Excerpt
Angela Velasquez Taborda, a 73-year-old woman, was arrested at a Tampa-area Walmart on Saturday evening for misdemeanor retail theft after attempting to leave the store with $121.85 worth of merchandise, including shampoo, socks, and men’s shorts. According to police, Taborda initially denied the theft but later confessed, claiming that “the devil told her to buy them for someone else,” but since she lacked the funds, she attempted to steal the items instead. Taborda was released on a $150 bond and ordered to stay away from Walmart, though she is reportedly not barred from contacting the supposed spiritual accomplice.
Summary (Analysis of the Incident, The Motive, and the Legal Outcome)
The arrest of Angela Velasquez Taborda in Tampa, Florida, adds a distinctly theological twist to the annals of retail theft. The incident quickly moved from a standard shoplifting case to a bizarre spiritual encounter when the 73-year-old suspect offered her defense to police: demonic compulsion.
I. The Crime and the Stolen Goods
The incident occurred Saturday evening at a Walmart in the Tampa area. According to the police report, Taborda attempted to exit the store with a plastic bag containing $121.85 worth of merchandise that she had not paid for. The stolen items reportedly included:
- Shampoo
- Socks
- Men’s shorts
Walmart security intercepted Taborda as she attempted to leave the premises. Though she initially “vehemently denied” swiping the goods, she later “admitted they did attempt to leave the store without paying for these items” while being held for police.
II. The Devil’s Mandate and the Motive
When pressed for a motive for the alleged larceny, Taborda provided a highly unusual explanation to the investigating officers. According to the arrest affidavit:
Taborda “stated they were told by the devil to buy them for someone else, but she did not have enough money, so she attempted to leave with them.”
The arrest affidavit does not elaborate on the details of this claimed conversation or the identity of the person for whom the devil supposedly demanded the items. Law enforcement confirmed that the devil was not charged in connection with the misdemeanor retail theft.
III. Legal Outcome and Judge’s Order
Taborda was booked into the county jail on a single misdemeanor charge of retail theft. Her stay was short-lived:
- Bond: She was released the following morning after posting $150 bond.
- Court Order: A judge issued an order for Taborda to stay away from Walmart.
- A Curious Exception: Police noted, with a touch of dry humor, that while she is barred from the retail giant, Taborda “is not barred from contact with any mythical personifications of evil.”
The case awaits a final disposition, but the police report has already secured its place as an “only in Florida” spiritual crime blotter entry.
Crime Report
| Crime Location | Walmart |
| Location of Crime | Tampa, Florida |
| Date/Time of Crime | Saturday evening |
| Police Department | Tampa-area Police Department |
Suspect
| Mugshot Image |  |
| Suspect Name | Angela Velasquez Taborda |
| Suspect Age | 73 |
| Charges | Retail Theft (Misdemeanor) |
| Bond Amount | $150 |
| Conviction | Status Pending |
| Sentence | Status Pending |
| Outcome | Released on $150 bond; Ordered to avoid Walmart. |
Victim
| Victim Name | Walmart Store (Tampa-area) |
Thoughts
In a powerful moment of brand synergy, Satan has apparently chosen Walmart as his preferred retail partner for low-level property crime. The devil demanded socks, men’s shorts, and shampoo—a shopping list that screams “mid-level apartment landlord trying to prepare a guest room.” The best detail is that the judge only barred her from Walmart, not from the Prince of Darkness himself. I imagine the next conversation goes like this: “So, about those shorts… are you going to pay my $150 bond, or was that not in the infernal budget this quarter, Beelzebub?” It’s clear that Hell hath no fury like a 73-year-old scorned by her demonic accountant.
Sources
- Tampa-area Police Department Arrest Affidavit (details of the theft and “devil” quote)
- County Jail Booking Records (Release on $150 Bond)
- News of the Weird (Source: Rock 101, New Country 107.9 YYD)
- General Florida Misdemeanor Retail Theft Statutes
